How Silly..

I can't believe what I have managed to do... I booked my holiday for Spain for the 13th - 27th June..lovely. Just found out 2 days after I booked it, that one of my close friends weddings is the 25th...tried to change it by a few days..they want £200 to do that! I don't have any money, scraped to pay for the flight. The original flight was only £245 so it's paying for a whole flight again..gutted. now I really don't know what to do.

On a plus side I just sorted my car insurance and managed to save rather a lot by putting Marc and me on to the same insurer, they were really helpful and even though Marc doesn't need to renew his insurance till November it still saved me money and he will be insured with them from November for cheaper. So that's one thing off my mind. My car is now at it's M.O.T (Which every year since I have had my car it has failed, so here's hoping....)

I am really struggling to get into any exercise at the moment..it's miserable outside and I can't be bothered..which is the wrong attitude I know. However as of Friday night I'm borrowing my Nan's exercise bike which I am going to aim to get on at least x3 a week. See how long that last's especially when I start work. I haven't done a lung function in ages...I hope it's ok. I put myself on antibiotics which I finished Sunday and I do feel pretty well I think. I haven't been to my proper hospital in ages, like October was the last (before America) and am not going till March..my own fault because I was too busy sorting myself out with a job but now I feel I should see them, all I want is a lung function test. I might get my sister's nurse to pop in with her lung function machine this week as my name is still on that, just make sure it is still reasonable.

Too many worries...

I seem to have so much on my mind at the moment, I can and have talked to my boyfriend about it all but not so in to depth, I know it just upsets him, and me.

We have set ourselves two massive things to save up for in the next 5 years...a house and marriage. Two things we really want!! I mean I have just got a new job, and the pay is pretty good (compared to what I have been on of recent) but I'm worried what if I get ill, what if 40 hours is too much and I can't cope... I might be absolutely fine, I plan on just making my life and my boyfriends work routine around my new work. So if I'm doing a late, get up a bit later, stay up late that night to fit all my physio and nebs in, then be in a routine for late's... but as soon as it changes to early I will have to re-routine myself around that so early bed and get up really early to do nebs and physio...yes easier planned and said than probably actually done, but we'll see. The new job is absolutely amazing and I can't wait to get properly into it! The staff seem very supportive so I am sure it will be absolutely fine.

Then on the CF site there is a lot of talk about having children and the morals of it all, and the safety on our health. I find it really hard to read these posts, because having a baby has never been a question to me, and still it's what I want. And I know its what my partner wants, he's such a family person and it would kill both of us if we couldn't have a baby. I worry what if I just can't get pregnant anyway? What if pregnancy makes me so ill that it harms the baby? If I have the baby then I know once that babies born IT WILL live a happy life, even when/if I loose my life early on. My family are amazing and my mum would do anything for that baby and my bf's family would look after baby, we have close parents, brothers and sisters who would all show this baby enough love...so the morals of bringing the baby into my family I have no problem with. I would just love to be there... and there is nothing to say that I wont, but as I have noticed a lot more recently...Cystic Fibrosis is unpredictable. But there's no saying whether I will just get ill anyway, even if we don't have a baby and then at least I'd be leaving Marc with like a part of me..and they'd have each other...with all the nasty cancer's etc in the world, many kids loose a parent early on, I've witnessed it with a close friend, it was a dreadful time, but the dad looks after the kids now, the mums not forgotten but they live a happy life as it is. Just writing it down here, now, I feel a release of the worry I have had. It all sounds better in my head now. And I know the path I will take so long as I maintain a lung function for when the time is right to have a baby. It will be the right thing for me. At the moment however we can't afford it, so im hoping I can stay well for these next 5 years so we can then start trying. Will probably start seeing docs about it in about 3 years as when you have CF having a baby is a much longer process than normal. Sorry if any of the above has upset/offended any fellow CF'ers it's a very tough subject for all cf'ers.

I think that is all that's been playing on my mind actually, now I have written it down, it seems so silly that it has been getting to me for days. Only time will tell, and we can't plan some of these things in life....Worrying about whether I will handle my job is not going to help, all I can do is do it and see...If I can't I will just have to cut my hours down. But I'm sure I will be fine:D

First January Post

I don't really have much to say...however feel I should say something for the new year....even though we're like 10 days into it now!

Well I had a brilliant end to 2011, felt like we had like 5 Christmas's with various people, doing different things. Spent Christmas day with my family, Boxing day with Marc's, day after at my Nan and Granddad's and so on. Also managed to see 3 of my best friends who were home from Uni! Marc and I got absolutely spoilt and I hope we spoilt everyone else enough, we did get carried away with the Christmas shopping and everyone loved what we got.

New years eve we managed to spend with both of ours immediate family which was lovely. And Just what I wanted.

2010 Was actually a brilliant year for us, my health remained consistently okay, we went to America, Marc and I got engaged, we moved into a beautiful house.... what more can you ask for in a year.

I have good feelings about 2011, got a new job which I start soon - Is going to be brilliant, though I am a little worried about how I am going to cope working 40 hours a week!! We will just have to see. We also have wedding planning to do and look forward to...for June 2012 and we are looking at booking a 2 week break in Spain for this June..we will be staying at my grandparents and probably spend most of it being stupid in the pool - we had a great time last time! I might book that today - Marc and I are paying for it for each others Birthday presents as we need to save save save as much money as we want to get a mortgage and we want to pay for our wedding!

Anyway I better go...off to my nan's for lunch!!

1 week in...

Had bit of a nightmare with needles poppin out my port and causing me pain. Though I was so stressed I would get ill rather than better but somehow my Lung function is up to 2.1 (69%) So something must be going right. Me x

Lung Function ..

Its down to 1.88 - 1.91 ish, thats what I think it said anyway, i forgot to ask.
So it has gone down quite a bit.
Want to work really hard to get it back up, but can't do sit ups etc cos my port needle will pop out, it''s already come out once and it reli hurts when it does it. Will go for a nice long walk with mum later that should help! and just do some good physio's.
Managed to have my Tobi bloods taken from my port...so chuffed. bet i'l need them out my arm Monday as am not that lucky!
Hope everyone is well
x

Drama on The Motorway

So Monday...Time for Hospital and IV's...went up in Mums car, with MuM, All seemed to be going well, we were chatting away, Then the car started making the oddest noise. I was like ''OH MY GOD mum get to the hard shoulder'' Then the car stopped working she couldn't change gears or anything, slowed down and got on to the motorway but then it kept rolling very slowly and the brakes weren't working. I pulled the hand brake up and mum turned the key off but the car kept running. Mum had noticed in her mirror smoke, the smoke started to poor out the exhaust, thick and black and ended up filling 4 whole lanes of motorway- was so scared it was going to cause a crash and our car looked like it was about to blow. Two C.I.D officers had luckily passed and seen and pulled over to help us, as we were quite nervous wrecks and had no idea what motorway we were on. These men phoned the fire brigade...We ended up with the C.I.D officers, 2 fire engines, traffic officers and the AA man who had to tow mums car and us the whole way back home, so a whole day out and never even got to Hospital. So was post poned till today.

Started IV's today ( a day late) and my port bled back. I have that fear of needles and my port hasn't bled back in years, then in the last month it has bled back straight away twice, so lets hope this is what the future holds but we will see. I reckon the push ups I have been doing has helped!

Thanks for reading.

IV's on Monday

Has been about 5 months since I had my IV's, in that time I have been my best ever but in the last three weeks or so I have felt my worst:( For the very fist time I am desperate for these IV's and I keep worrying myself, what if they dont help? I haven't had a lung function done for about a month now, I'm reckoning we are going to see a nose dive. I cant even seem to complete a set of crunches, sit ups and little push ups now without being absolutely knackered and chest pain! I'm only going in as a daycase this time, this is new! Its because they dont have any side rooms, then I have to go back up Tuesday for Tobi Levels...O the joys!!! I'm planning on exercising (back to the sit ups and walks and stuff) once on Iv's, as the last month I have been pretty poor at doing them, but I have had so much going on: Moving house, new jobs e.t.c. I haven't had a full nights sleep in ages because I always wake coughing so so much, i've become like adicted to halls because there the only thing that stop it!
Anyway having the IV's and pushing the exercise is all in good cause, not only to be well but I am going to Florida, America in 5 weeks and 2 and a half days!!!!! So excited. With my boyfriend, mum, dad and lovely little sisters. This is why I have got to get better, and this is why i'm so worried what if the Iv's dont have a good enough effect! I reli need to get motivated, as it's hard when your feeling crappy and extremely tired!

I will update soon on what I find out my lung function is and how the Iv's go!
Hope everyone is well
Mogzi x